Not too bad, but I find that you're rambling about unrelated things instead of talking about the game for far too long. That's bad, but unfortunately common.

Were you playing and recording the voice-over at the same time or was the voice-over recorded after the video and added in later?

Its awesome to see another person doing some videos to help get running with rifles more popular, about your recording issue if you would like I could help with running a server and recording in 1080p rendering it out and sending you the file to split among are channels? I have a microphone along with steam, skype and Teamspeak if you would like to chat about this just let me know.

*** snip *** .
Sounds good as a plan?

I was recording and doing the voice over at the same time, reason I was rambling on about things unrelated to running with rifles is because I was trying to let all my other subs know what I will be doing in the coming weeks.

I understand the need to let people know what's happening but you can make a separate video for that or, if you don't need to say much, say it at the end of the video.
People come to a specific video for the subject of that video. You will alienate people by talking about things they are not interested in when they are expecting audio relevant to the video. There was barely any relevant voice over in your video except for the occasional remark about dying ingame.

Recording video and voice-over at the same time is generally a very bad idea unless you are incredibly focused. You obviously had other things on your mind.
To prevent this you have a few options:
Record the gameplay, then play it back while recording the voiceover. You will be more focused.
Same as above, except write a script first, then record it.
Play the game online with another person in skype, teamspeak etc. This will ensure you stay on topic since you will be talking to each other about the game.